The Story of Bakamono
by CrapPishh
Summary: LOL. Oneshot turned into something more than that. Utter crap, read only if you want a bit of a laugh. But then again, different people have different perceptions of humour.
1. Bakamono!

My second oneshot for the day. Man, I'm seriously bored. Of all days to be a public holiday... Another crappy oneshot done by no one other than the crappiest person on the planet. Enjoy. :D

"C'mon Nic, tell us a story! We're bored."

Priest Nic ruffled down her overall skirt and turned towards Rhonda and Minty, two of her good friends.

"I talk a lot of crap. You sure you wanna hear a story?" she answered with a smile.

"Hey, it beats walking around in the Free Market doing nothing at all."

"Point taken. Any story's okay with you two?"

"Just help us pass time."

"Sure thing. This is the story of bakamono. I'll now tell you how that name came about."

* * *

"Eh, Nic, what are you reading?" Keen asked as he hopped onto the ledge Priest Nic was sitting on while watching him train at the Parking Lot.

"Hmm? Oh, just this Japanese language book I picked up in Mushroom Shrine. Can't you see the title?" she answered, still absorbed in the book, which was propped up on an omok table. The book title was in clear view of Keen, yet he had failed to notice it.

"Okay..." he replied, jumping down to kill the mobs that had spawned.

"Hmm, Chapter 9…. Insulting phrases…Let's see…. Ah, here's an easy one. Bakamono is made up of two words. Baka and Mono. Baka is stupid. Mono is thing. Bakamono equals stupid thing. Bakamono Keen, Keen is a stupid thing!"Nic happily announced at her ability to read Japanese.

"I am not stupid!"

"I didn't say you were. I said you were a stupid thing, bakamono."

"No, you're a bakamono."

"Nuh-uh, it's my copyright!"

"Pffft, yeah right."

"Gahhh, bakamono bakamono bakamono!"

"Keep quiet little girl."

"You can't tell me what to do."

"Yes I can. I'm older. Now be quiet."

-A few minutes of silence-

"Bakamono."

"Keep Quiet!"

"Shan't, can't, won't. You can tell me to keep quiet, but you can't glue my mouth shut."

"Why you…"Keen suddenly teleported up behind Nic and she screamed. He was about to whack her when she mounted her hog and rode off, leaving him whacking nothing but air and desperately trying to regain his balance.

"Bakamono, bakamono…" Nic's voice and laughter echoed off the walls of the large deserted Parking Lot.

* * *

"Man, that was funny," Rhonda commented.

"Yup, it's even funnier when you were there to witness it in person," Nic replied, beginning to laugh.

"Umm, Nic," Minty began.

"Hahaha... Yeah? Haha…" Nic said, in between fits of giggles.

"Look behind you," came a voice from behind.

She turned her head, only to see a pissed-off Keen standing there, red whip in hand.

"Ahhhhhhhh, bakamono!" She yelled as the mounted her hog and rode off again, giving the mage behind her little time to respond.

"Huh? Wait, come back!" He shouted at her, before teleporting as fast as he could to try and narrow the increasing distance between them.

"She's right," Rhonda commented. "It is a lot funnier when you witness it in person."


	2. The iPod

LOL. I shall use this story to write whatever I want to imagine about Bakamono. Inspiration taken from Bakamono to write this one. Bakamono, if you're reading this, note that the idea was taken from our MSN conversation about that nice chinese song. (:

* * *

"Bakamono, Bakamono, Bakamono!"

Silence.

Priest Nic takes out her Kage and pokes Keen in the stomach.

"Ouch! What did you do that for?!"

"Because you didn't respond when I called you."

"What did you say? I can't hear you!"

Priest Nic goes up to Keen and pulls off his earphones. Music plays at full blast, disrupting the peaceful atmosphere of Henesys.

"Cool, an iPod!"

She snatches the iPod away from Keen, lowers the volume, and plugs the earphones into her own ears.

"Give it back!"

"Nuh-uh. I left mine at home. Lend me yours."

"No way! I want to listen to music!"

"I can't hear you, Bakamono," Nic says, in a sing-song voice while mounting her hog.

"Hey, where do you think you're going with my iPod?"

"Uhh, I'm going to hide somewhere and listen to music?" She replies, making her escape in the direction of the Free Market.

"Nic! Come back with my iPod!"

* * *

-Half an hour later-

"Sheesh…." Keen mutters under his breath as he climbs up a ladder. "Why do they have 22 rooms in the Free Market? I have to search them all!"

"Hmm, Room 15…" Keen says to himself, panting as he opens the nearest door.

The first thing he sees is Nic wiping away tears, earphones still plugged into her ears.

"Nic, what's wrong?"

"Bakamono…. This song…. It's…. It's…"

"It's what? Terrible?"

"No, it's so, so, so, so, so touching!"

Keen gives her a look of complete bewilderment. Crying because of a song? He picks up the iPod and glances at the song title.

"Oh, this song. I just downloaded it. Nice?"

"Bakamono, all your songs are nice. No, they're awesome! Send me, send me!"

"Of course they're awesome. I have good taste in music."

"Self praise is international disgrace."

"You're just jealous."

"Am not! Lend me your iPod for the rest of the day okay? Thanks Bakamono! You're the best!" Priest Nic grabs the iPod back from Keen and dashes out of the room before he has a chance to say anything.

A dumbfounded Keen stares at the door, and it takes him a full 10 seconds to realize what has happened.

"Nic! Come back with my iPod!"


	3. Me want cake!

Inspiration taken from my all-time favourite cake. (: I'm not sure if Bakamono owns a PSP or anything similar, but enjoy anyways. I would say that I wrote this random chapter today because I was bored, but I think there are certain copyright issues involved here. So yeah, I'm crappy when I'm bored.

Oh yes, new chapters for 'Memories of the Forgotten' might take longer to come up from now on, with my mom limiting computer usage with the wonderful reason "You have no life staring at the computer screen the entire day".

Well duh, I have a life. I play basketball three times a week and willingly run at least 1km every Wednesday. It's not like I'm fat or anything. I ace PE and physical fitness testing; I'm perfectly fit. I have plenty of friends; I'm no loner. My mom's just like, freaking outdated.

Not like most people who read MotF will bother to read this anyways.

REVIEWWWWWWWWWW or I'll pour burning lava or ice water on you and make you suffer severe disfigurement or hypothermia respectively. (yes, you have a choice)

Thankyou (:

* * *

"What're you doing, huh, Bakamono?" asked Nic, while peeking over Keen's shoulder.

"Playing 'Crisis Core' on my PSP," he replied, eyes glued to the small screen of the game console.

"Can I play too?"

"No."

"Aww. Please?"

"No."

"Then can I watch you play?"

"Yeah sure. Whatever."

* * *

-after half an hour of doing nothing but sitting at the taxi stand and watching Keen play his PSP-

"I'm hungry…" Nic complained, tugging on Keen's sleeve.

"So?" Keen asked, attention fixed on trying to clear a particularly difficult stage.

"I want something to eat! Me want cake!"

"Go buy yourself some then. The market's just over there."

"But I'm broke! I just spent everything on this new baby here!" Nic whined, holding up her newly acquired Blue Marine.

"So?"

She fumbled around with the clasp of Keen's bag, unnoticed of course by the totally-engrossed-Keen, and fished out his wallet.

"Lend me some money okay?"

"YES!" Keen yelled, at the top of his voice, after managing to complete that crucial stage of his game.

Without responding, Nic smiled and ran off with the wallet, knowing full well that it would probably be a couple of hours before he even noticed she was gone.

* * *

-Two hours later-

A furious Keen entered the Henesys café and spotted Nic enjoying a piece of cake in a secluded corner of the room, playing a PSP.

"Nic! My wallet!"

"Ahh! Bakamono! You finally stopped playing, huh?"

"My wallet!"

"Fine, fine, it's on the table, there," she pointed at the old brown pouch resting on the table which appeared as though it had been through a slimming session during its absence.

"Nic! How much did you spend?" Keen questioned, while counting the remaining contents of his wallet.

"Hmm, I don't know. I know I've eaten a lot of cake though. You want some? It's a slice of a Mickey Mouse Ice Cream Cake and it's really good!" Nic's eyes were glued to her PSP screen, attention unwavering.

"What game are you playing anyways?"

"Oh, 'Crisis Core'."

"What? You're playing 'Crisis Core'? And you're fighting the boss monster already?" Keen exclaimed, open-mouthed.

"Close your mouth, Bakamono. Or a fly might go in again. I told you to let me play just now, didn't I?" Nic responded, barely looking up, fingers moving like lighting as she pressed key after key, casting skill after skill.

-After a minute or so with Keen staring in awe at the screen-

"What? You just defeated the boss! And you don't even have a response to that?" Keen practically shouted.

"Hmm? This is like, the third time I'm fighting the boss, Bakamono," she replied casually, putting down the PSP and picking up a fork. As she finished up the last mouthful of her cake, she whined, "Bakamono, Me want cake! Me want cake! Buy me some more!"

"Pffft, why should I?"

"Because I can help you unlock skills like… this one," Nic replied with a grin, pressing a couple of buttons and displaying the game's ultimate skill.

Keen's jaw dropped. The graphics were awesome.

"Me want cake!" Nic demanded, prodding Keen with the pointy end of her Blue Marine.

No response; he just stood there like a stone statue with a shocked expression plastered on his face.

Nic smiled again, grabbed his wallet wallet and yelled,"Waiter!"

* * *

Note: No, I don't own a Blue Marine yet. I wish I did though, but I'm one level away and seriously broke. I'm kinda helping Crisis Core do advertising here. Inspiration for that taken from a classmate of mine who finished the entire game in the duration of one school day. Man, that game has kickass graphics.


End file.
